So why is Paris Hilton so famous? She can't act, she can't sing, she's as dumb as a rock, and basically a waste of space. But in the world of pop-culture where rumor and speculation abound, she remains the queen of talentless celebutants.

Did she get a boob job? Is she pregnant? Who is she doing/dating this week? Does she have herpes? How did she get it?* Who did she give it to so far? Is it true she hasn't paid for a drink since the 8th grade?  

The real question is who gives a damn about all these "sheeples" and "celebutants" like Paris Hilton anyway?  Apparently, a whole hell of a lot of people... especially when it comes to this talentless, useless waste of space. Just try searching Google or The Superficial for phrases like "paris hilton sex tape" or "paris hilton movie" and you will get millions of results.

Okay, so this desire to chat about celebrities like Paris Hilton explains the existence of MySpace, Gawkier, MSN Spaces, and the hundreds of pop-culture web sites and gossip blogs generating enough ad revenue for their publishers and contributors to quit their jobs and start working from a "home" office on a sail boat in the caribbean. It's possible. No... really... it is! Look at Tucker Max. He's a Duke law school graduate and has made a living by writing about his hard-charging partying and female conquests.

And who's REALLY at the center of it all? Paris Hilton of course. Everyone knows about the Bennifers, Tomkats, and Brangelinas - at least they have some credibility for their writing, producing or acting skills. But Paris Hilton remains the most famous infamous person on the planet. And just like Lacey Underall in Caddyshack , she's popular only because she's an "attractive" big city girl with family money who is willing to spread her legs for almost anyone.

Hmmm... Is it just a coincidence? Was Lacey Underall, from the movie Caddyshack , the original Paris Hilton? Put on an anti-viral panty liner and let the battle between the spoiled rich blonde bitches begin!

*Source: The Superficial 03/09/2006

Paris vs. Lacey

Originally released on July 25th, 1980, Caddyshack remains one the most entertaining and brilliantly written/improvised movies of all time. Featuring such comic geniuses as Rodney Dangerfield, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, and Ted Knight, who would of thought one of its main characters, Lacey Underall (Cindy Morgan), would foreshadow one of the most iconic pop-culture figures of all time, Paris Hilton.

Don't see the similarities between Lacey Underall and Paris Hilton? Let's compare the two.

In Caddyshack , Judge Smails is worried about Lacey's lose behavior after she bangs Noonan at the Smails' residence. He tries to keep a lid on it by offering Danny the caddy scholarship. Jump forward twenty-three years and things come full circle as Paris' parents jump in trying to keep her sex tape with Rick Solomon off the market. You can't really blame them... who would want to have a video circulating of your underage daughter drinking champagne in a hotel room and then getting "serviced" by Solomon in several different positions?

Again Lacey pursues and eventually hits the skins with Ty Web (Chevy Chase), the independently wealthy golf-bum with an unorthodox approach. He quotes the Zen philosopher Basha as having said, "...a flute with no holes is not a flute, and a doughnut with no holes is a Danish." Whatever that means. And as the wealthy playboy, he of course has his shot at Lacey.

When they meet for the first time Lacey says she likes skinny skiing and going to bull fights on acid. We all know Paris likes to travel, but she certainly doesn't need to be skiing to get naked. She reportedly prefers doing coke lines on the back of toilets with Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie as opposed to waiting for the LSD to kick-in at a place where you can't order vodka and Redbull bottle service.

Again, jumping forward 20 years we know Paris has been going back and forth between billionaire playboys, the greek geeks, Paris Latsis and Stavros Niarchos. Has she only been flip-flopping because of the herpes? Given her promiscuity there's no way to know where she got it or who she has given it to. Makes you think twice before wanting to spend a Night In Paris.

The Conception

So let's take a trip back to 1980 and reconstruct the events leading up to the creation of Paris. Rick and Kathy Hilton were out in the Hamptons one night in May (Paris was born in February of 1981) partying hard and had trouble with the Trojan so they decided to skip it... unknown to them at the time this child would become nothing more than a piece of Hollywood Tuna, an overall useless human being, and a complete embarrassment. But a couple of months later they were at the premier of Caddyshack in New York, being friends with Chevy and Bill from their painkiller days at SNL, watched the movie and thought to themselves, I hope our next child grows up to be just like Lacey.

And the rest is history.

This item is available for purchase from Amazon.com Ever caught yourself wondering what exactly "Noonan" means? To avoid further embarrassment, every golfer--hack or scratch--must tee it up at Bushwood Country Club for the golf classic Caddyshack. Harold Ramis directs a who's who of 1970s and 1980s stand-up and sketch comedy: Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, and Rodney Dangerfield battle the forces of greed, golf, and gophers in a film that has become a comedy classic. For more information, check out: http://www.amazon.com Rating: Requirements: DVD player Manufacturer: Warner Home Video