iTunes version 4.5+ includes an online sharing feature called iMix. Naturally, Apple offers this service in order to promote music sales in the iTunes Store. Users can vote on your iMix playlists as you gain instant fame …or notoriety!
But apparently Apple isn’t happy with our iMix playlist of maturbation songs. Yesterday we officially became the first rejected iMix in Apple history.
Most iMix Playlists Suck
The first time I checked out other people’s iMixes I was disappointed. How much talent does it take to make an iMix called “Bob’s Favorite ’90s Hard Rock Hits” or “Best Radio Alternative Songs?” As if the world needed another “Best of the ’80s” iMix? I’m hardly stretching the truth when I say there is not currently one good playlist in the entire iMix section. Is the entire planet in a coma? It immediately became my mission to make a good playlist that everyone could enjoy.
Using Song Previews to Make Your iMix
Making a good iMix might be a little tough considering songs added to an iMix must actually reside in your computer’s music library folder. I soon learned an easy work around that exploits another feature in iTunes… the ability to add song previews to your playlists.
For example, I thought it would be funny to submit an iMix called “One to Tango: Songs with a Masturbation Theme” to the iTunes Music Store (iTMS). But most of the songs on the list were pretty lame and I had no interest in buying them just to make a silly iMix. Honestly, I’d rather go to the dentist than purchase the Britney Spears single for “Touch of my Hand.” Instead, I found the songs in the iTMS and built my playlist using 30 free samples that were all available online. I rearranged my tracks according to a desired sequence and submitted it. Here’s my masterpiece.
One to Tango: Songs with a Masturbation Theme
- Blister in the Sun – Violent Femmes
- I Touch Myself – Divinyls
- Dancing With Myself – Billy Idol
- Pictures of Lily – The Who
- Longview – Green Day
- The Stroke – Billy Squire
- Icicle – Tori Amos
- Touch My Hand – Britney Spears/itunes
- Oops (Oh My) – Tweet and Missy Elliott
- Darling Nikki – Prince
- Real Pink Thing – Bobby Lindstrom
- She Bop – Cyndi Lauper
- It’s Only Me – Barenaked Ladies
- Rosie – Jackson Browne
- O Come All Ye Faithful – The Brady Bunch
Of course Apple rejected it. I got a rejection email a couple days later and became the first iMix to be rejected by Apple. I guess I was iRejected. In Apple’s defense, how can you not find this list a little disturbing? Especially when I finish it off with the Brady Bunch’s version of “O Come All Ye Faithful.” I was asking for trouble and testing Apple again. Apple recently rejected quite a few of my iPod engravings, too. At least they are consistent.
Here’s my rejection letter from Apple if you are interested. I also saved the letter from my inbox as a PDF. I’m thinking about getting it framed.
Dear iTunes customer,
The iMix that you have submitted will not be posted to the iTunes Music Store. Content in the iMix title and/or description is in violation of the iTunes Music Store Terms and Service… The Service may offer interactive features that allow you to, among things, submit or post information and materials on areas of the Service accessible and viewable by other users of the Service and the public. You agree that any use by you of such features shall be your sole responsibility, shall not infringe or violate the right of any other, contribute to or encourage unlawful conduct, or otherwise be obscene, objectionable or in poor taste… Apple reserves the right not to post or publish any materials, and to delete, remove or edit any material, at any time in its sole discretion without liability.”
If you actually want to burn this Masturbation mix into a CD, then you’re in luck! Here’s a cover image for you with tongs, rubber gloves, a porn magazine and lube!
Adding More Masturbation Songs
If anyone else submits a rejected iMix, let MethodShop know and we’ll post it here. Until then, feel free to borrow from my “One to Tango” iMix and don’t be shy to suggest any songs I might have left out. Here is what our readers have sent in since we first published this post:
- “Captain Jack“, Billy Joel ~ Chris
- “Turning Japanese“, The Vapors ~ OakWine & Keith
- “One“, Three Dog Night ~ Notify
- “Hang on to Yourself“, David Bowie ~ jkundert
- “Teenage Kicks“, The Undertones ~ wowser
- “My Ding-A-Ling“, Chuck Berry ~ joramd
- “Happy Jack“, The Who ~ Anonymous
- “Losing Grip“, Avril Lavigne ~ Anonymous
- “Imaginary Lover“, Atlanta Rhythm Section ~ Anonymous
- “Thinking of You“, A Perfect Circle ~ Anonymous
- “Undercover Angel“, Alan O’Day ~ Doc
- “Right in Time“, Lucinda Williams ~ wilaubry
- “Orgasm Addict“, The Buzzcocks ~ cathersc
- “All By Myself“, Air Supply ~ Mike
- “All By Myself“, Green Day ~ Anonymous
- “I Love My Computer“, Bad Religion ~ y2n_3000
- “Detachable Penis“, King Missle ~ bluejay1990
- “Strokin’“, Screaming Jay Hawkins ~ colonelflagg