Elvis, Bigfoot, Hitler, Bat Boy and David Hasselhoff’s drinking problem are just a few of the things you might find on a typical tabloid magazine cover. However, we’re starting to notice a new cover trend… cats! Apparently the CIA is breeding obese cats that can talk, fly to Mars and kill! All of this sounds like one of Lloyd Kaufman‘s whacky Troma movie plots. Here are some of the most absurd tabloid cat headlines ever printed…

01) World’s Biggest Cat

From Weekly World News comes this headline” “World’s Biggest Cat!” At 78 pounds, this cat weighs as much as a 11-year-old boy. He eats 90 cans of tuna a week.

World's Biggest Cat: 78 Pounds!
World’s Biggest Cat: 78 Pounds!

02) Fat Cat Babies

On the cover of this special double issue of Weekly World News is this irresistible headline “World’s Fattest Cat Has World’s Fattest Kittens!”

World's Fattest Cat Has World's Fattest Kittens!
World’s Fattest Cat Has World’s Fattest Kittens!

03) Alien Cats on Mars

Another great headline from Weekly World News. While humanity only dreams of space travel, cats are already on Mars.

Strange Breed of Cats Found on Mars!
Strange Breed of Cats Found on Mars!

04) Vampire Cats

How do you capture a vampire cat? According to the Weekly World News, with a bowl of human blood. Question is, where did they get the blood?

Vampire Cat Captured!
Vampire Cat Captured!

05) Killer Cats

With a headline like “Kitten Guilty Of Murder!”, you better watch your back around this deathrow cat. Don’t forget to sign the petition or the kitty dies.

Tabloid Cat Headline: Kitten Guilty of Murder!
Kitten Guilty of Murder!

06) Killer CIA Cats

CIA Breeds Killer Kitten & She's on the Loose

07) Santa Cat

Ho-Ho, meow? The “World’s Fattest Cat Saves Christmas!” And “You’ll Never Guess How Chubby Did It!”

Tabloid Cat Headline: World's Fattest Cat Saves Christmas!
World’s Fattest Cat Saves Christmas!

08) Pimp Cat

Tabloid Cat: Fat Cat Owns 23 Old Ladies
Fat Cat Owns 23 Old Ladies