Ever wondered if you’ve got what it takes to be officially recognized in the most comprehensive redneck census survey ever conceived? Get ready, because this practice test is about to separate the true country folk from the city slickers faster than a souped-up pickup can leave a dust cloud!
The Ultimate Redneck Census Survey
Grab your favorite beverage (moonshine optional), and let’s see how you stack up in this definitive census survey challenge. Answer each question carefully – your redneck reputation and rural identity depends on it!
Section: Household Info
- Which Billy are you?
( ) Billy-Bob
( ) Billy-Joe
( ) Billy-Ray
( ) Billy-Sue
( ) Billy-Mae
( ) Billy-Jack
( ) None of the above (Instant disqualification!) - Your preferred nickname:
( ) Bubba
( ) Junior
( ) Booger
( ) Sissy
( ) Something that would make your mama blush - Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M F ____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right - Occupation: (Check appropriate box)
( ) Farmer
( ) Mechanic
( ) Hairdresser
( ) Unemployed
( ) Dirty Politician
( ) Preacher - Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box)
( ) Sister
( ) Brother
( ) Aunt
( ) Uncle
( ) Cousin
( ) Mother
( ) Father
( ) Son
( ) Daughter
( ) Pet - Mother’s Name: ___________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Father’s Name: ___________ (If not sure, leave blank) - Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
- Color of eyes: Left______ Right_____
- Color of hair:
( ) Blond
( ) Black
( ) Red
( ) Brown
( ) White
( ) Clairol - Color of teeth:
( ) Yellow
( ) Brownish-Yellow
( ) Brown
( ) Black
( ) N/A
Section: Household Info
- Children in household:
Number of children living in household: ____
Number of children living in shed: ____
Number that are yours: ____ - Do you ( ) own or ( ) rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
Section: Automotive Expertise
- Total number of vehicles you own:
- Number of vehicles that still crank: ____
- Number of vehicles in back yard: ____
- Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ____
- Your truck’s most important accessory:
( ) Gun rack
( ) Mud tires
( ) Confederat… I mean, custom paint job
( ) All of the above
Section: Culinary and Beverage Preferences
- Your ideal meal consists of:
( ) Roadkill barbecue
( ) Anything deep-fried
( ) Deer meat you hunted yourself
( ) Something that comes with a side of pride - Preferred beverage:
( ) Sweet tea
( ) Moonshine
( ) Whatever’s in the cooler
( ) Something that requires a hunting license to obtain
Section: Lifestyle Verification
- Favorite weekend activity:
( ) Hunting
( ) Fishing
( ) Shooting
( ) Drinking
( ) Burning stuff
( ) All the above at the same time - Distance from nearest paved road:
( ) Spitting distance
( ) Just a holler and a half
( ) What’s a paved road?
( ) Close enough to wave at neighbors - Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: ( ) Red-Man
- UFO and Elvis sightings in the last year:
- Number of UFO encounters: ____
- Number of Elvis appearances: ____
- Bonus points if they occurred simultaneously
Your Redneck Authenticity Rating

Tally up your redneck census survey points and discover your true country credentials! Whether you’re a certified country legend or just a wannabe redneck, remember: it’s not about where you’re from, it’s about the attitude you bring to the backyard!
Disclaimer: No stereotypes were harmed in the making of this census practice test. Except maybe a few.

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