Dear Scumbag Spam Mongers

Reading Time: < 1 minute

This morning I hit a breaking point. I had 124 spam emails. Over half of them weren’t even in English. I wish spammers in Korea and Russia would figure this out. An email titled “Á÷ÀÇÑ Á÷ÀåÀÎ(ÃÖÀú±Ý” isn’t going to get their message across to me. I wish I could just tell these jerks that I’m not interested in their crap. Apparently I’m not alone.

Here’s an open letter to Spammers by a blogger named Tian:

Dear Scumbag Spam Mongers,

Thank you for taking such an interest in me. I regret to inform you of the following:

1. My penis is just fine, thank you for asking.
2. I don’t own a home, so why the f**k would I need to re-finance my mortgage?
3. I don’t require any medication, and even if I did I wouldn’t buy it from someone who can’t spell the name of it.
4. I deeply regret your situation in Zambia (or whatever 3rd world coutnry you and “your millions of dollars you need to transfer” live in) but you’re barking up the wrong f**king tree.
5. I already have a degree (again, last time I checked you didn’t spell diploma with a 1 in the middle).
6. Posing to be the institution I do my banking with, wow, that’s f**king admirable. No, you can’t have my account information.
7. Re: I don’t remember sending you a fucking email in the first place.
8. “Your PC is infected”. No it sisn’t, I have a Mac which doesn’t open your fucked up .exe files you dick.
9. Thanks for the stock tip, unfortunately I didn’t see a listing on NASDAQ for: bLo6Wjob GraNNy99.
10. Chicks banging horses is sooooo 1999.