Caddyshack is a classic golf-themed comedy film that is full of quotable one-liners. From Bill Murray to Rodney Dangerfield, the movie’s cast delivers a series of memorable lines that will have you laughing out loud. Here are some of the best Caddyshack quotes that will have you in stitches.
- Al Czervik: The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
The Worst-Looking Hat
- Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?
- (Looks at Judge Elihu Smails, who’s wearing the same hat.)
- Al Czervik: Oh, it looks good on you though.
You Take Drugs?
- Ty Webb: You take drugs, Danny?
- Danny Noonan: Every day.
- Ty Webb: Good. Then what’s your problem?
- Danny Noonan: I don’t know.
Whoa, Did Somebody Step On A Duck?
- (Breaks wind at dinner.)
- Al Czervik: Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?
Loofah My Stretchmarks
- Mrs. Smails: Elihu, will you come loofah my stretchmarks?
You Must’ve Been Something Before Electricity
- Al Czervik: Oh, this is your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.
Low-Grade Dog Food
- Al Czervik: Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low-grade dog food. I’ve had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.
He Thinks I’m His Wife
- Al Czervik: He called me a baboon. He thinks I’m his wife.
Working In A Lumberyard
- Danny Noonan: I haven’t even told my father about the scholarship I didn’t get. I’m gonna end up working in a lumberyard for the rest of my life.
- Ty Webb: What’s wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.
- Danny Noonan: I notice you don’t spend too much time there.
- Ty Webb: I’m not quite sure where they are.
- Ty Webb: You’re rather attractive, for a beautiful girl with a great body.
“The shortest distance between two points”
- “The shortest distance between two points is a straight line in the complete and opposite direction.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase)
Keeping Score In Golf
- Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
- Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don’t keep score.
- Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
- Ty Webb: By height.
Keep Beating Yourself
- Dr. Beeper: I thought you’d be the man to beat this year.
- Ty Webb: I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.
Be The Ball Quote
- Ty Webb: I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.
“You’re not being the ball…”
- “Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You’re not being the ball, Danny.” – Ty Webb
“Be your future”
- “Danny, see your future. Be your future.” – Ty Webb
Will You Mow My Lawn?
- Judge Smails: Danny, I’m having a party this weekend.
- Judge Smails: How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?
Three Rights Make A Left
- Ty Webb: Remember Danny – Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.
My Dinghy’s Bigger
- Al Czervik: Hey, Smails! My dinghy’s bigger than your whole boat!
In one of the most memorable scenes from Caddyshack, Carl Spackler tells a wild story about caddying for the Dalai Lama in Tibet. But when Spackler asked for a tip, the Dalai Lama said that he would receive “total consciousness” when he died. The scene is full of absurdist humor and is a classic example of some of the great Carl Spackler quotes from the film.
- Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.
- Angie D’Annunzio: A looper?
- Carl Spackler: A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand-foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga.
- Carl Spackler: So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Dalai Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
The Flying WASP
- Mrs. Smails: Bless this ship and all who sail on her. I christen thee The Flying WASP.
Tie Me Up
- Lacey Underall: I bet you’ve got a lot of nice, ties.
- Ty Webb: How do you mean?
- Lacey Underall: Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?
“No one likes a tattletale… except, of course, me.”
- “No one likes a tattletale, Danny… except, of course, me.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase)
“Thank you very little.”
- “Thank you very little.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase)
Smoking Hybrid Grass
- Carl Spackler: This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.
- Ty Webb: Don’t be obsessed with your desires, Danny. The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote, ‘A flute with no holes is not a flute. A donut with no hole is a Danish.’ He was a funny guy.
Not Being The Ball
- Ty Webb: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You’re not being the ball, Danny.
- Danny Noonan: It’s hard when you’re talking like that.
- Ty Webb: This your place, Carl?
- Carl Spackler: Yeah, whattaya think?
- Ty Webb: It’s really… awful.
- Carl Spackler: Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know… credit trouble.
- Ty Webb: Let me just clean this up here.
- (Picks up bow and arrow.)
- Ty Webb: Getting ready for the season.
- Lacey Underall: Duck?
- Ty Webb: No… dolphin.
Your Uncle Molests Collies
- Lacey Underall: My uncle says you’ve got a screw loose.
- Ty Webb: Your uncle molests collies.
I Have A Beard – Caddyshack Quotes Bill Murray
- Carl Spackler: I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. But I have a beard, so I got that going for me, which is nice.
Same Thing, But With Gophers
- Sandy: (With heavy Scottish brogue) Carl, I want you to kill all the gophers on the course.
- Carl: Correct me if I’m wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they’ll lock me up and throw away the key.
- Sandy: Not golfers, you great git! Gophers- the little brown, furry rodents!
- Carl: We can do that. We don’t even have to have a reason.
- Sandy: Aye! Well, do it, man!
- Carl: All right. Let’s do the same thing, but with gophers. (Sandy storms off). It’s not my fault nobody can understand what you’re saying.
- Carl Spackler: Pay no attention to that bush, moving around over there by that tree, it’s just a bush. Nothing to look twice at. Nothing to be alarmed about. This looks like it could be gravy. I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang. Freeze gopher!
A Club Champion And The Tremendous Slouch
- Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he’s been club champion for three years running, and I’m no slouch myself.
- Ty Webb: Don’t sell yourself, short Judge, you’re a tremendous slouch.
- Danny Noonan: I planned to go to law school after I graduated, but it looks like my folks won’t have enough money to put me through college.
- Judge Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.
- Lacey Underall: (To Danny) Nice try.
All The Best Caddyshack Quotes In One Awesome Video
We’ve compiled a list of the best Caddyshack quotes in this article, but you can also watch this companion YouTube clip to see them all in one place. Enjoy!
What Did You Think Of Our List Of Caddyshack Movie Quotes?
Caddyshack was a mega box office hit in 1980, and it skyrocketed the careers of Saturday Night Live alumni Bill Murray and Chevy Chase, as well as director Harold Ramis. The film’s clever script, non-stop jokes, brilliant one-liners, and famous quotes have made it a classic comedy that is still enjoyed by audiences today.
Since Caddyshack’s release, several films, including Happy Gilmore, have used a golf course as a backdrop for comedy. But Caddyshack remains the gold standard for golf-themed comedies.
Are we missing any of your favorite quotes from Caddyshack? Please tell us in the comments below.
NERD NOTE: Harold Ramis, the legendary director behind some of the most iconic comedies like Caddyshack (1980), National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983), Groundhog Day (1993) and Analyze This (1999), sadly passed away on February 24, 2014, due to complications caused by an infection. Although he spent most of his career behind the camera directing films, he also dabbled in acting. He is perhaps most recognized by audiences for his role as Egon in Ghostbusters (1984). Ramis has left a lasting impact on comedy and continues to inspire new filmmakers and comedians, even after his death.
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Frank Wilson is a retired teacher with over 30 years of combined experience in the education, small business technology, and real estate business. He now blogs as a hobby and spends most days tinkering with old computers. Wilson is passionate about tech, enjoys fishing, and loves drinking beer.