Happy (New Year) Hangover!

“Here it is: the fruit of all our painstaking research, The Almighty Hangover Emergency Cure. While the ingredients in this kit are based on hard science and not personal mythology, it must be said that there really is no cure for a hangover in the same sense that penicillin is a cure for an infection. There are several things, however, that you can put into your body to ease the pain and assist rapid recovery, including a little-known substance called cysteine. Cysteine directly counteracts the poisonous effects of acetaldehyde. The following arsenal-in-a-milkshake is so loaded with the anti-toxic munitions your body needs, that after it makes short work of your hangover, it might just clear out your nasal passages, shrink your hemorrhoids, and leap out of your body and write your History term paper. Behold the official SoYouWanna.com Almighty Hangover Emergency Cure (patent pending):

1. Take 2 aspirins

2. Take 200mg cysteine (available at specialty food stores)

3. Take 600mg vitamin C

4. Take 1 tablet vitamin B-complex

5. Mix the following ingredients together in a blender:

• 1 banana
• 1 small can V-8
• 6 large strawberries
• 2 tablespoons honey
• 1 cup orange juice
• 1-2 cups milk (or soy milk), to desired consistency
• ¼ tsp. salt
• dash of nutmeg

6. Drink it all up.

If necessary, follow up with a dose of Maalox, lots of Gatorade, and bouillon soup for dinner. These ingredients will rehydrate your body, replace essential vitamins and minerals, and help rid your body of some of the toxic byproducts of metabolized alcohol.

For a headache that drugs don’t seem to touch, try an icepack or a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a tea towel, 20 minutes on your head, 10 minutes off. There’ve been lots of hangover remedies over the centuries, from the Assyrian crushed swallows’ beaks with myrrh to Rabbit Dropping Tea (though we think that it tastes a little raisin-y). Friends of ours have suggested everything from club soda to the classic Bull’s Eye (OJ and a raw egg) to pickle brine straight from the pickle jar. But if you’re looking for something substantial that actually prevents vomiting, invest in the necessary pills and keep your blender handy; the Almighty Hangover Emergency Cure, judiciously combined with the wise drinking practices detailed above, is for you.” [Via soyouwanna.com]

J. Frank Wilson

Frank Wilson is a retired teacher with over 30 years of combined experience in the education, small business technology, and real estate business. He now blogs as a hobby and spends most days tinkering with old computers. Wilson is passionate about tech, enjoys fishing, and loves drinking beer.