Oh no. No no no no. Actually, this warrants a helllllllll no. There’s all kinds of fun and kooky stuff you can do with the Nintendo Wii, but this, my friends, is just plain bizarre.
Nintendo just released a game called Enjoy Your Massage, a thoroughly inappropriate hybrid of Dance Dance Revolution, the cartoonish style of Michael Jackson‘s ‘Billy Jean’ music video and the old school handheld game Simon — only on an hot, topless animated lady’s back.
You become a racy masseuse, of sorts, in bondage gear and/or tribal wear. I encourage you to watch Todd Kenrick‘s beautifully articulated video segment on MSNBC.com. He takes the words right out of my mouth (ie: “weirdest” and “creepiest” and “dumb”). I also encourage you to use your 500 Wii points anyplace other than the Beauty Farm — yes, the Beauty Farm … or, say, get out a little more.
Where I live in NYC there are pay-by-the-minute massage parlors every few blocks, and Adult Friend Finder should you crave conversation with your massage. You can order a Backnobber II from Skymall or persuade a friend to work that knot out. Just please, please carefully consider your options before succumbing to Wii’s soothing touch. I beg you.
Caroline Walker is a Brooklyn-based freelance writer and editor. She has worked in both the entertainment and the nonprofit sector. Walker holds a BA from the University of Southern California and an MA from New York University’s Gallatin School.