Between their terrible aim and limited IQ, the Stormtroopers from Star Wars are one of the more ridiculous armies in sci-fi cinema. But it’s not just their actions that audiences find amusing, it’s also their dialogue. Stormtroopers often restate the obvious (“Look, sir. Droids!”) or dismiss clear threats (“Maybe it’s another drill”). Here are some of the funniest Stormtrooper quotes from the Star Wars universe of films and TV shows.
“The Death Star plans are not in the main computer.” – Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope
The voices of the Stormtroopers in A New Hope were pretty nerdy compared to the later Star Wars films. One of the first lines of A New Hope is a squeaky sounding Stormtrooper delivering some bad news to Darth Vader… as Vader is choking a rebel to death. In comparison, Stormtrooper voices in later films, like Rogue One and The Force Awakens, have a lot more attitude and depth.
- Stormtrooper: The Death Star plans are not in the main computer.
“There’s one. Set for stun.” – Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope
Stormtroopers rarely use the stun setting. We normally see their red laser blasts not the blue circular shot that was used to capture Princess Leia.
- Stormtrooper: There’s one. Set for stun.
- Stormtrooper: She’ll be alright. Inform Lord Vader we have a prisoner.
“The tracks go off in this direction.” “Look, sir. Droids!” – Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope
This exchange is another example of how the Stormtroopers usually just restate the obvious. It’s dialog like this that helps fuel the perception that Stormtroopers are dimwitted.
- Stormtrooper: Someone was in the pod. The tracks go off in this direction.
- Stormtrooper: Look, sir. Droids!
“These aren’t the droids we’re looking for.” – Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope
Some Star Wars characters, like Jabba The Hut, are too mentally powerful to be deceived by a Jedi mind trick. The Stormtroopers however, are easily manipulated.
- Stormtrooper: Let me see your identification.
- Obi-Wan Kenobi: (Waves his hand) You don’t need to see his identification.
- Stormtrooper: We don’t need to see his identification.
- Obi-Wan: These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
- Stormtrooper: These aren’t the droids we’re looking for.
- Obi-Wan: He can go about his business.
- Stormtrooper: You can go about your business.”
“Stop That Ship! Blast Them!” – Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope
After agreeing to give Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker a ride away from Tatooine, Han Solo finds out how wanted his passengers are by the Empire. This gives us one of the most replicated Stormtrooper quotes in the Star Wars franchise. The phrase (“Blast ’em!”), or variations of it, have been used in numerous films and video games.
- Stormtrooper: Stop that ship! Blast ’em!
“Maybe it’s another drill.” – Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope
Even though there’s a prison break on the Death Star, shootouts across the ship and the shields are being powered down, these Stormtroopers assume it’s all just another drill.
- Stormtrooper: Do you know what’s going on?
- Stormtrooper: Maybe it’s another drill.
“Close the blast doors!” “Open The Blast Doors!” – A New Hope
Personally, this is one of my favorite Stormtrooper quotes. Sometimes you need to be careful about what you want, because you just might get it.
- Stormtrooper: Close the blast doors!
- (Han and Chewie slip through the doorway just as the doors close. The Stormtroopers are now locked out.)
- Stormtrooper: Open the blast doors! Open the blast doors!!
“Who are you?” – Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back
While roaming around Cloud City, C-3PO is discovered by Stormtroopers and shot to keep their presence a secret. Chewbacca later finds C-3PO’s dismantled parts in a utility area.
- Stormtrooper: Who are you?
“Don’t move!” (Droids Capture) – Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi
Stormtroopers don’t have much variety in their lines. In Return Of The Jedi, they actually say the same exact line twice. In this scene, C-3PO and R2-D2 are captured by a group of Stormtroopers. But their capture doesn’t last long. Moments later they are rescued by the Ewoks.
- Stormtrooper: Don’t move!
“Don’t move!” (Han And Leia Capture) – Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi
Han Solo and Princess Leia also get captured right around the same time as C-3PO and R2-D2. Their capture also doesn’t last long. After the Stormtroopers yell “Don’t move”, Han tells Leia “I love you” and she replies “I know.” Han then quickly moves out of the way so Leia can shoot the Stormtroopers. One of the reasons that he loves her is that she was ready to fight.
- Stormtrooper: Don’t move!
“He’s blind.” “Is he deaf?” – Rogue One – A Star Wars Story
After Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor get captured by Stormtroopers, Chirrut Îmwe comes to the rescue. At first the Stormtroopers are hesitant to attack a blind man. The Stormtroopers mock his lack of fear as a possible hearing problem, something that they regret moments later.
- Stormtrooper: Stop right there!
- Stormtrooper: He’s blind.
- Stormtrooper: Is he deaf?
“I will remove these restraints and leave the cell with the door open.” Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens
A year before The Force Awakens was released, actor Simon Pegg (Mission Impossible, Shaun of the Dead) started a rumor that James Bond actor Daniel Craig was in the movie. Craig initially denied the rumor, but we later found out that he did indeed briefly swap his 007 martini glass for a blaster. Craig’s secret cameo was the Stormtrooper that succumbs to Rey’s Jedi mind tricks and releases her restraints.
- Rey: (Meekly) You will remove these restraints and leave the cell with the door open.
- Stormtrooper: I will tighten these restraints, scavenger scum.
- Rey: (Using the Force) You will remove these restraints and leave the cell with the door open.
Stormtrooper: I will remove these restraints and leave the cell with the door open.
- Rey: And you will drop your weapon!
- Stormtrooper: And, I’ll drop my weapon.
How Many Of These Funny Stormtrooper Quotes Do You Remember?
If you’re a major Star Wars fan, then you likely remembered a lot of these funny Stormtrooper quotes. Did we leave out any of your favorites? If so, please let us know in the comments.