100 Funny Rejected Children’s Books

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Book publishers are constantly pitched new book ideas by authors, but not everything gets published. Here are some funny rejected children’s books that never made it to print.

BAD INFLUENCES

1. Curious George Finds the Secret in the Sock Drawer
2. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
3. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
4. How to Write With Your Wee-Wee

5. My First Rave – Fun With “X”
6. Joe Camel and The Magic Little Stick
7. Your First Meth Lab

8. Paddington Gets Tanked
9. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

10. Run Away From Home – Your Parents Will Thank You
11. How To Run Away From Home

12. Just Say “No” To Your Parents
13. Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear

DANGEROUS GAMES

14. I Dare You! 101 Fun Construction Site TikTok Challenges
15. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
16. 101 Uses For that Abandoned Refrigerator
17. That Burner’s Not Hot and 99 Other Fun Pranks
18. How To Make a Plastic Bag Space Helmet
19. The Big Book of Things to Put in Your Ear
20. Hammers, Boxcutters and Scissors: An “I-Can-Do-It” Book
21. The Kids Guide To Hitchhiking
22. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
23. Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet be Friends?
24. Johnny’s Adventure in the Medicine Cabinet
25. Jimmy is a Pyro
26. Huffin’ and Puffin’: Fun With Aerosols
27. Playing Under the Kitchen Sink
28. Hairdryers and Other Bathtime Toys
29. The Surprise at the Bottom of the Pool
30. 101 Fun Games to Play on Busy Roads
31. All Guns Squirt Water
32. The Kids Guide to Prescription Medication
33. Games To Play In The Woods At Night
34. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

TERRORIZING YOUNG MINDS

35. You Can Get Sucked Down The Drain
36. Soap: How It Is Made and About That Pony You Always Wanted
37. Your Nightmares Are Real

38. Curious George Finds A Suspicious Package And Alerts The Bomb Squad
39. Patty Went Splat! (Don’t YOU Forget Your Seatbelt)
40. The Mouse, the Motorcycle, and the Organ Donor Card
41. What’s That Bag For, Grandpa?
42. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
43. The President is Your Enemy
44. Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, Jesus: The Truth Your Parents Never Told You
45. Where Would You Like to be Buried?

46. Hydrocephalus: Why You Look Like Such A Freak
47. You Can’t Help It If You’re Stupid
48. You are Different and That’s Bad
49. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get your Way
50. Timmy Can’t Be Your Friend Becuase He’s From The Wrong Neighborhood
51. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
52. Grandpa Gets A Casket

TOXIC HOUSEHOLDS

53. That’s It; I’m Putting You Up For Adoption
54. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
55. Why Some People Are Better Off Unborn
56. Why Mommy Cries
57. What The Hell Is Mommy’s Problem, Anyway?

58. The Little Engine That Couldn’t Because He Was A Worthless Bum Like Your Father
59. 101 Places To Hide When Daddy Comes Home Drunk

60. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
61. Divorce: What You Did to Cause It
62. You Were an Accident
63. The Truth About Your Accidental Birth
64. Mommy’s Got A New Baby to Love

65. My Foot In Your Ass – Dr. Seuss’s Wacky Book Of Ass Whoopin’s
66. Dad’s New Wife ‘Greg’
67. Why Billy Has Two Daddies

68. Daddy Ran Off With A Whore, Mom Doesn’t Love You Anymore!
69. Why Mommy’s Boyfriends Pay Her
70. Why The Mailman Sleeps Over When Daddy Gets Deployed Overseas

SEX EDUCATION

71. Dr. Seuss S-E-X
72. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

73. Teletubbies: What Are Mommy And Daddy Doing?
74. Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Ms. LeTourneau’s Class

75. Horton Hires A Ho From Craigslist
76. Strangers Have the Best Candy

77. Making Grown-Up Friends on the Internet
78. Mommy’s Secret Toy Drawer

79. Who’s Baby Is It?
80. If It Feels Good, Touch It!
81. Jacking and Jilling: The Kid’s Guide to Masturbation

82. The Berenstain Bears: Why Is Mommy Moaning?
83. How To Spot Gay Classmates

84. Where the Curly Fur Grows
85. Bicurious George and the Virus
86. Learn To Pimp

ANIMAL BOOKS

87. Real Animals that Eat Small Animals and Children
88. Some Kittens Can Fly

89. The Story of Babar: The Little Elephant That Was Shot and Killed for His Ivory
90. Pop! Goes the Hamster, and Other Great Microwave Games

91. Dude They’re Gonna Chop Your Balls Off!
92. All Cats Goto Hell

93. Smokey The Bear: Let’s S**t In The Woods
94. Fun With Fireworks: Let’s Surprise The Groundhogs

95. Teaching Your Dog To Play Fetch: Roman Candle Edition
96. Deer Paintball: The Art Of Hunting

VANDALISM

97. Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School
98. Beyond Baseball: Other Fun Things To Hit With A Bat
99. Fun Experiments With Bleach
100. Let’s Play In The Basement With Matches

More Rejected Children’s Books?

What did you think about the books on this list? Are you a Dr. Seuss fan? Do you know any more funny rejected children’s books? Please let us know in the comments.