Book publishers are constantly pitched new book ideas by authors, but not everything gets published. Here are some funny rejected children’s books that never made it to print.
BAD INFLUENCES

- Curious George Finds the Secret in the Sock Drawer
- Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
- The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
- How to Write With Your Wee-Wee

- My First Rave – Fun With “X”
- Joe Camel and The Magic Little Stick
- Your First Meth Lab

- Paddington Gets Tanked
- The Little Sissy Who Snitched

- Run Away From Home – Your Parents Will Thank You
- How To Run Away From Home

- Just Say “No” To Your Parents
- Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
DANGEROUS GAMES
- I Dare You! 101 Fun Construction Site TikTok Challenges
- The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
- 101 Uses For that Abandoned Refrigerator
- That Burner’s Not Hot and 99 Other Fun Pranks
- How To Make a Plastic Bag Space Helmet
- The Big Book of Things to Put in Your Ear
- Hammers, Boxcutters and Scissors: An “I-Can-Do-It” Book
- The Kids Guide To Hitchhiking
- Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
- Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet be Friends?
- Johnny’s Adventure in the Medicine Cabinet
- Jimmy is a Pyro
- Huffin’ and Puffin’: Fun With Aerosols
- Playing Under the Kitchen Sink
- Hairdryers and Other Bathtime Toys
- The Surprise at the Bottom of the Pool
- 101 Fun Games to Play on Busy Roads
- All Guns Squirt Water
- The Kids Guide to Prescription Medication
- Games To Play In The Woods At Night
- Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
TERRORIZING YOUNG MINDS
- You Can Get Sucked Down The Drain
- Soap: How It Is Made and About That Pony You Always Wanted
- Your Nightmares Are Real

- Curious George Finds A Suspicious Package And Alerts The Bomb Squad
- Patty Went Splat! (Don’t YOU Forget Your Seatbelt)
- The Mouse, the Motorcycle, and the Organ Donor Card
- What’s That Bag For, Grandpa?
- The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
- The President is Your Enemy
- Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, Jesus: The Truth Your Parents Never Told You
- Where Would You Like to be Buried?

- Hydrocephalus: Why You Look Like Such A Freak
- You Can’t Help It If You’re Stupid
- You are Different and That’s Bad
- Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get your Way
- Timmy Can’t Be Your Friend Becuase He’s From The Wrong Neighborhood
- Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
- Grandpa Gets A Casket
TOXIC HOUSEHOLDS
- That’s It; I’m Putting You Up For Adoption
- Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
- Why Some People Are Better Off Unborn
- Why Mommy Cries
- What The Hell Is Mommy’s Problem, Anyway?

- The Little Engine That Couldn’t Because He Was A Worthless Bum Like Your Father
- 101 Places To Hide When Daddy Comes Home Drunk

- Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
- Divorce: What You Did to Cause It
- You Were an Accident
- The Truth About Your Accidental Birth
- Mommy’s Got A New Baby to Love

- My Foot In Your Ass – Dr. Seuss’s Wacky Book Of Ass Whoopin’s
- Dad’s New Wife ‘Greg’
- Why Billy Has Two Daddies

- Daddy Ran Off With A Whore, Mom Doesn’t Love You Anymore!
- Why Mommy’s Boyfriends Pay Her
- Why The Mailman Sleeps Over When Daddy Gets Deployed Overseas
SEX EDUCATION

- Dr. Seuss S-E-X
- The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

- Teletubbies: What Are Mommy And Daddy Doing?
- Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Ms. LeTourneau’s Class

- Horton Hires A Ho From Craigslist
- Strangers Have the Best Candy

- Making Grown-Up Friends on the Internet
- Mommy’s Secret Toy Drawer

- Who’s Baby Is It?
- If It Feels Good, Touch It!
- Jacking and Jilling: The Kid’s Guide to Masturbation

- The Berenstain Bears: Why Is Mommy Moaning?
- How To Spot Gay Classmates

- Where the Curly Fur Grows
- Bicurious George and the Virus
- Learn To Pimp

ANIMAL BOOKS
- Real Animals that Eat Small Animals and Children
- Some Kittens Can Fly

- The Story of Babar: The Little Elephant That Was Shot and Killed for His Ivory
- Pop! Goes the Hamster, and Other Great Microwave Games

- Dude They’re Gonna Chop Your Balls Off!
- All Cats Goto Hell

- Smokey The Bear: Let’s S**t In The Woods
- Fun With Fireworks: Let’s Surprise The Groundhogs

- Teaching Your Dog To Play Fetch: Roman Candle Edition
- Deer Paintball: The Art Of Hunting
VANDALISM
- Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School
- Beyond Baseball: Other Fun Things To Hit With A Bat
- Fun Experiments With Bleach
- Let’s Play In The Basement With Matches
More Rejected Children’s Books?
What did you think about the books on this list? Are you a Dr. Seuss fan? Do you know any more funny rejected children’s books? Please let us know in the comments.

Frank Wilson is a retired teacher with over 30 years of combined experience in the education, small business technology, and real estate business. He now blogs as a hobby and spends most days tinkering with old computers. Wilson is passionate about tech, enjoys fishing, and loves drinking beer.