Elvis, Bigfoot, Hitler, Bat Boy, and David Hasselhoff’s drinking problem are just a few of the crazy tabloid headlines that you might find on a typical tabloid magazine cover. However, we’re starting to notice a new cover trend… cats! Apparently, the CIA is breeding obese cats that can talk, fly to Mars and kill! All of this sounds like one of Lloyd Kaufman‘s whacky Troma movie plots. Here are some of the most absurd tabloid cat headlines ever printed.
The World’s Biggest Cat
From Weekly World News comes this headline” “World’s Biggest Cat!” At 78 pounds, this cat weighs as much as an 11-year-old boy. He eats 90 cans of tuna a week.
Fat Cat Babies
On the cover of this special double issue of Weekly World News is this irresistible headline “World’s Fattest Cat Has World’s Fattest Kittens!”
Alien Cats on Mars
Here’s another great tabloid headline from Weekly World News. While humanity only dreams of planetary space travel, cats are already on Mars.
How do you capture a vampire cat? According to the Weekly World News, with a bowl of human blood. Question is, where did they get the blood?
With a headline like “Kitten Guilty Of Murder!”, you better watch your back around this Deathrow cat. Don’t forget to sign the petition or the kitty dies.
Killer CIA Cats
The Santa Cat
Ho-Ho, meow? The “World’s Fattest Cat Saves Christmas!” Our favorite part of this cover is the call out that says, “You’ll Never Guess How Chubby Did It!”
The silly CIA is at it again! This time they are making a cat that can talk and be a spy in Iraq. Watch out 007, there’s a cat coming for your job.
This fat cat is a pimp! He “owns” 23 old ladies. The question is what does he do with these old ladies? Play Bingo? Watch reruns of The Golden Girls?
Crazy Tabloid Headlines About Cats
Why did you think about these tabloid headlines about cats? Were they funny or just too stupid to print? Let us know in the comments?
Frank Wilson is a retired teacher with over 30 years of combined experience in the education, small business technology, and real estate business. He now blogs as a hobby and spends most days tinkering with old computers. Wilson is passionate about tech, enjoys fishing, and loves drinking beer.