Grab Your Blender! This Is The Ultimate Hangover Cure

Image by Michal Jarmoluk

Feeling hungover? Looking for the ultimate hangover cure? Look no more. Here it is, The Almighty Hangover Emergency Cure. While the ingredients in this kit are based on hard science and not personal mythology, it must be said that there really is no magic cure for a hangover. There are several things, however, that you can put into your body to ease the pain and assist rapid recovery, including a little-known substance called cysteine. Cysteine directly counteracts the poisonous effects of acetaldehyde.

How To Make The Ultimate Hangover Cure

The following arsenal-in-a-milkshake is so loaded with the anti-toxic munitions your body needs, that after it makes short work of your hangover, it might just clear out your nasal passages, shrink your hemorrhoids, and leap out of your body and write your History term paper. Behold the Almighty Hangover Emergency Cure (patent pending):

  1. Take 2 aspirins
  2. Take 200mg cysteine (available at specialty food stores)
  3. Take 600mg vitamin C
  4. Take 1 tablet vitamin B-complex
  5. Mix the following ingredients together in a blender:
    • 1 banana
    • 1 small can V-8
    • 6 large strawberries
    • 2 tablespoons honey
    • 1 cup of orange juice
    • 1-2 cups milk (or soy milk), to desired consistency
    • ¼ tsp. salt
    • A dash of nutmeg
  6. Drink it all up.

What If You Have An Extreme Hangover?

If necessary, follow up with a dose of Maalox, lots of Gatorade, and bouillon soup for dinner. These ingredients will rehydrate your body, replace essential vitamins and minerals, and help rid your body of some of the toxic byproducts of metabolized alcohol.

For a headache that drugs don’t seem to touch, try an icepack or a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a tea towel, 20 minutes on your head, 10 minutes off. There’ve been lots of hangover remedies over the centuries, from the Assyrian crushed swallows’ beaks with myrrh to Rabbit Dropping Tea (though we think that it tastes a little raisin-y).

Friends of ours have suggested everything from club soda to the classic Bull’s Eye (OJ and a raw egg) to pickle brine straight from the pickle jar. But if you’re looking for something substantial that actually prevents vomiting, invest in the necessary pills and keep your blender handy; the ultimate hangover cure, judiciously combined with the wise drinking practices detailed above, is for you.

Next time, try to go a little easier on the beer, wine, and liquor.

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