Lace Up Your Funny Bone: 20+ Funny Doily Jokes That Will Really Annoy Grandma

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Ready to unravel a ball of yarn-filled laughter? Grab your crochet hook and settle in for a collection of funny doily jokes that’ll have you in stitches! Whether you’re a craft enthusiast or someone who thinks doily art is as outdated as flip phones, these jokes are sure to annoy grandma!

Funny Jokes About Doilies

1. What did the doily say when it tripped? “Oops, I dropped a stitch!”
2. Doily: The original fidget toy for grandmas.
3. Why was the doily sad? Because its life was unraveling.
4. What’s the difference between a doily and a conspiracy theory? A doily has more holes in it that make actual sense.
5. Doily: The doily is always watching. Judging your spills and crumbs since the 17th century.
6. A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked “Who created the Earth and man?” The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, “GOD!” The Priest looked at him and said, “That’s right.” Then he asked “Who is God’s son?” Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, “Jesus Christ!” Again, the priest said, “Correct.” Finally, the priest asked, “What did Eve say to Adam when she didn’t want any more children?” The knitter poked her husband again, but this time he screamed “Poke me with that thing one more time and I’m going to rip it off!” The priest smiled and said, “That’s right.”
7. How does a doily stay in shape? It does lace-ups every morning.
8. Why did the doily go to therapy? It had too many issues to unravel.
9. A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing into the car, he was astounded to see the woman behind the wheel was crocheting and driving. Realizing she was oblivious to his flashing light and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “Pull over!” The woman finally looked up at the cop. “No!” the woman yelled back, “It’s a scarf!”
10. How do you compliment a doily? Tell it, “You’re sew pretty!”
11. Why don’t doilies play cards? They don’t want to fold.
12. What do doilies do when they’re bored? Knit-pick!
13. Why did the doily refuse to play basketball? It didn’t want to get dunked.
14. How do doilies keep their secrets? They don’t – they’re full of holes!
15. Why did the doily blush? It saw the table naked.
16. What’s a doily’s favorite hobby? Threadworking!
17. What do you call a doily on a diet? A light lace.
18. What did the doily say to the napkin? “You’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”
19. How do doilies greet each other? “Lace to meet you!”
20. Why did the doily feel out of place at the heavy metal concert? It was too delicate for that kind of lace.

“The Shoebox” Doily Joke

There once was a man and a woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They talked about everything. They kept no secrets from each other… except that the old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she cautioned her husband never to open it or ask her about it.

For all these years he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would never recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed it was time that he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it he found 2 beautifully crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling over $25,000. He asked her about the unusual contents.

“When we were married,” she said, ” my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily.”

The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with joy and happiness.

“Sweetheart,” he said… “that explains the doilies, but what about all this money? Where did it all come from?”

“Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the doilies.”

Funny Doily Jokes & Doily Puns

Whether you’re a doily devotee or someone who likes to tease people about their dolly collection, these funny doily jokes I’ll give everyone something to smile about. So, the next time you see a doily, don’t just admire its intricate design – think about its potential for humor! Sorry grandma!

Do you know any funny crochet jokes, needlework puns, stitching jokes, knitting humor, or jokes about doilies or lace that we should add to this article? If so, please share it in the comments!

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