What does Steven Spielberg‘s classic film The Goonies (1985) have in common with Lethal Weapon (1987), Superman (1978) and the scary horror flick The Omen (1976)? They were all directed by Richard Donner. The films also have the same good versus evil storylines. Colorful bad guys (the Fratelli brothers and their villainous mother), the reluctant-hero (the Walsh brothers and their Goonie friends), and tons of corny Goonies quotes and one-liners.
The Best Goonies Quotes
There are so many great Goonies quotes that it’ hard to pick out just the best Chunk quotes or best Sloth quotes or best Data quotes, etc. But we hope you like our selection. Here are the best Goonies quotes from Steven Spielberg‘s classic 1980s kid adventure, The Goonies.
- Elgin Perkins: Is your mommy here?
- Brandon Walsh: No, sir. Actually, she’s out at the market buying Pampers for all us kids.
- Stef: This is ridiculous. It’s crazy. I feel like I’m babysitting, except I’m not getting paid.
- Francis Fratelli: (The Fratellis are interrogating Chunk) Tell us everything! Everything!
- Chunk: Everything. OK! I’ll talk! In 3rd grade, I cheated on my history exam. In 4th grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. 5th grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog… When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out. But the worst thing I ever done — I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa — and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
- Jake Fratelli: I’m beginning to like this kid, Ma!
- Stef: Data where are you going?
- Data: I’m setting booty traps.
- Stef: You mean booby traps?
- Data: THAT’S WHAT I SAID! BOOBY TRAPS! God. These Guys!
- Mouth: Is this supposed to be water?
- Mama Fratelli: It’s wet, ain’t it? Drink it!
7Hey You Guys!
- Sloth: Hey you guys!!
- Andy: I can’t tell… if it’s an “A sharp” or if it’s a “B flat”!
- Mikey: Heh, if you hit the wrong note, we’ll all “B flat!”
- Brand and Andy are about to kiss after falling down together.
- Chunk: Shame, shame!
- Data Wang: I know your name!
- Mouth: Come on, Brand! Slip her the tongue!
- Stef: Oh, that’s disgusting. Now I can’t even look.
- Mikey: (Whispering to himself) Chester Copperpot. Chester Copperpot… (Out loud) Chester Copperpot! Don’t you guys see? Don’t you realize? He was a pro. He never made it this far. Look how far we’ve come. We’ve got a chance.
11Troy’s Bucket Quote
- Mikey: Don’t you realize? The next time you see the sky, it’ll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it’ll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us. But right now, they got to do what’s right for them. Because it’s their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it’s our time. It’s our time down here. That’s all over the second we ride up “Troy’s bucket”.
12Chunk Confession Quote
- Chunk: Listen, okay? You guys will never believe me. There were two cop cars, okay? And they were chasing this four-wheel deal, this really neat ORV, and there were bullets flying all over the place. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw!
- Mikey: More amazing than the time Michael Jackson come over to your house to use the bathroom.
- Brandon Walsh: More amazing than the time you saved those old people from that nursing home fire, right?
- Mouth: Yeah, and I bet it was even more amazing than the time you ate your weight in Godfather’s pizza, right?
- Chunk: Okay, Brand. Michael Jackson didn’t come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did.
13The Rich Stuff
- Chunk: Mikey, Mikey, come on, our parents are worried. It’s dinnertime. Why don’t we go home?
- Mikey: Home? What home? In a couple more hours, it ain’t gonna be home anymore. Come on, guys, this is our time. Our last chance to see if there really is any rich stuff. We’ve got to.
14The Wishing Well
- The Goonies are collecting coins from a wishing well.
- Stef: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop! You can’t do this.
- Data Wang: Why?
- Mikey: Why?
- Stef: Because these are somebody else’s wishes. They’re somebody else’s dreams.
- Mouth: Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here. This was my dream, my wish. And it didn’t come true. So I’m taking it back. I’m taking them all back.
15The Escape Plan
- Mouth: Lookit! I got an idea. Why don’t we just put chocolate all over the floor and let Chunk eat his way through?
16You Smell Like
Chuck: Man, you smell like Phys. Ed.
17I’m Not Liberace
- Andy: I hit the wrong note. I’m not Liberace you know!
18We Serve Tongue
- Mama Fratelli: The only thing we serve here is tongue! You boys like tongue?
19Bathroom Friendly Locations
- Chunk: Mikey, Mikey, this ain’t the kind of place you want to go to the bathroom in.
- Mama Fratelli: Why not?
- Chunk: Because they might have daddy long legs and um… dead things, Mikey. DEAD THINGS!
20They’ve Got An It
- Mikey: I swear on my life! They’ve got an…an ‘IT!’ A giant ‘IT!’ When it came into the light it was all gross and distorted, and, and…
- Brandon Walsh: Yeah, kinda like your brain, right lame-o? Say goodbye to your little pals.
- Mama Fratelli: Kids suck.
22Japanese Ritual Suicide vs Peaceful Hindus
23Mom’s Favorite Piece
- Data comes flying into the house knocking over everyone and Chunk grabs the statue of Michelangelo’s David.
- Chunk: Hey! I bet you guys think I was going to drop it huh? I know you would think that from good ol’ Chunk
- Places the statue on the table and it falls off.
- Brandon Walsh: You Idiot!
- Mikey: Oh my god!
- Runs over and picks up the statue.
- Chunk: Look look! It’s not broken. It’s perfect! Haha!
- The statue’s penis has broken off.
- Mikey: (Tries to put it back on) Oh my GOD! That’s my mom’s most favorite piece!
- Chunk: Oh my god.
- Mouth: You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.
- Mikey: Shut up Mouth!
- Brandon Walsh: Shut up Mouth.
- Chunk: (With potato chips in his mouth) You think your Mom’s gonna notice.
- Mikey: What?
- Chunk: (More clearly) Do you think your Mom is going to notice? Notice that the statue’s penis is missing.
- Mikey: I wonder if she’ll notice.
- Chunk: That’s what I said!
- Mikey: Well, of course, she’ll notice. She notices everything.
- Chunk glued the statue’s penis on upside-down.
- Chunk: How’s this?
- Mikey: Oh, you idiot! You glued it on upside-down!
- Brandon Walsh: If God made it that way, you’d all be pissing in your faces!
- Chunk: Looks fine to me.
24Out of Style
- Brandon Walsh: I’m gonna hit you so hard that when you wake up your clothes will be out of style!
- Chunk: Look at this. They’ve got Mississippi Mud and they’ve got Chocolate Eruption and they’ve got what? (Everyone screams.)
- Chunk: It’s a stiff. (Everyone screams and drops the dead body.)
- Irene Walsh: Brandon I want you to keep your brother inside I don’t want him to catch a cold.
- Brandon Walsh: He should be put in a plastic bubble.
- Irene Walsh: I’m serious Brandon! That’s not funny. If he takes one step outside and you’ll be in the deepest, absolutely the deepest, shi, shi, shi…
- Brandon Walsh: Shit ma!
- Irene Walsh: I don’t like that language but that’s exactly what you’re going to be in, and you Data.
- Data: Data
- Irene Walsh: Data use the front door from now on okay? What is that?
27The Truffle Shuffle
- Mouth: Do the truffle shuffle!
28Always Separate The Drugs
This is one of my favorite scenes in The Goonies. Mouth is “translating” Mrs. Walsh’s instructions for Rosalita.
- Irene Walsh: Pants and shirts go in the… oh, forget about it. Just throw everything into cardboard boxes. Clark, can you really translate all that?
- Mouth: For sure, Mrs. Walsh.
- Mouth: (In Spanish) The marijuana goes in the top drawer. The cocaine and speed go in the second drawer. And the heroin goes in the bottom drawer. Always separate the drugs.
29Don’t Sign The Papers
- Elgin Perkins: Alright Walsh. Today’s the day so let’s get this over with.
- Irene Walsh: Irving?
- Irving Walsh: I’m sorry Irene.
- Troy Perkins: Come on, Walsh. We don’t have all day. There are 50 more houses to tear down after yours.
- Irving Walsh: Easy, Brandon! Easy!
- Mikey: We had our hands on the future, but we blew it to save our own lives… Sorry.
- Mr. Walsh: That’s all right. You and Brand are home safe with your mom and me, that makes us the richest people in Astoria.
- Elgin Perkins: Walsh, you are looking at the richest people in Astoria. Now SIGN IT.
- Data: I’m sure going to miss being a Goonie.
- Brandon Walsh: (Rosalita is screaming in Spanish) What’s she saying Mouth? Translate.
- Mouth: No pen. No, write. No sign!
- Mikey: No, Dad. Don’t sign it! (Rosalita runs over to Mrs. Walsh and pulls out her hand and empties Mikey’s marble bag.)
- Mikey: Dad! Dad! It’s my marble bag. The Fratellis forgot to check it. I emptied out all of my marbles and put the jewels in. We don’t have to leave the boondocks!
- Irving Walsh: (Ripping up the foreclosure document) They’ll be no more signing today or ever again. (Cheering)
30My Greatest Invention
- Andy: Watch this. (Data’s father takes a camera out of his jacket and proceeds to take a picture but the film falls out. Andy starts laughing.)
- Andy: He’s just like his father.
- Data Wang: (In Chinese) That’s OK daddy. You can’t hug a photograph.
- Mr. Wang: (In Chinese) You are my greatest invention.
More Goonies Quotes?
In addition to being required viewing for every tween, the film was also a breeding ground for several new child actors: Josh Brolin (No Country For Old Men, True Grit, Men In Black 3, American Gangster), Sean Astin (The Lord of the Rings, Rudy, Encino Man) and Martha Plimpton (Pecker, 200 Cigarettes). The film also stars Jeff Cohen, Corey Feldman, Kerri Green, Jonathan Luke Ke Huy Quan, John Matuszak, Robert Davi, Joe Pantoliano, and Anne Ramsey.
Please let us know in the comments if we missed any of your favorite Goonies quotes or one-liners from The Goonies. We will add it to this article and give you credit.