Rejected iPod Engravings: The Funniest (and Most Offensive) Things People Tried to Get Engraved

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When you order an iPod from the Apple Store, you can personalize it with a custom, laser-engraved message. However, not everything gets engraved. Apple has been censoring some engravings for editorial reasons. Here is the ultimate list of rejected iPod engravings.

Ultimate List of Apple’s Rejected iPod Engravings

The following is a collection of engravings from MethodShop readers that were actually rejected by Apple. Enjoy!

1. 10,000 Stolen Tunes Inside* ~Anonymous
2. iMolest kids.* ~ gushasan
3. Not to be used as a suppository.* ~Umbralkin
4. I cost more than three hookers.* ~Umbralkin
5. When my battery dies, so will you.* ~Umbralkin
6. Not responsible for prolonged damage to the ear & brain.* ~Anonymous
7. iPod Limited Edition: Retard Compatible. * ~Jimmy4Kim
8. Rip, Mix, & Burn Down RIAA Headquarters* ~Anonymous
9. Cocaine and razor blade not included.* ~Carl
10. Lick My Shiny Metal Ass* ~Anonymous
11. karma is a bitch* ~Anonymous
12. Bad Mother Fucker* (settled with “Bad Mother Fucka) ~Ben
13. Something small & white that Enrique Eglasias Isn’t In.* ~wiredgargoyle
14. I play with myself.* ~ leonardom
15. Steal this? Will self-destruct when used.* ~Anonymous
16. iMasturbate five times a day* ~rjones (read article)
17. F uck Osama.* ~Anonymous
18. Screwing The RIAA One Download At A Time* ~Mike P.
19. I cost more per ounce than cocaine.* ~dgcole
20. This iPod will self-destruct in 1 year.* ~dale
21. Practice safe sex… Go FU*K yourself!* ~whocares590
22. Controls on reverse side, you STUPID FCUK!* ~Christiaan

The Following iPod Engravings Were Not Rejected by Apple, But Still Very Clever And Funny

1. Mohammed The iPhone ~rjmellish
2. Trapped in iPod factory. Please send help ~Pheenix
3. “One time at band camp.” ~JLOVE
4. 49 20 66 75 63 6b 69 6e 67 72 75 6c 65 ~TehSnarf
   (translation: I f-ing rule in HEX)
5. Turn Me Over And Rub Your Thumb All Over Me
6. This engraving has lowered my resale value ~I00s3r
7. I don’t need good taste, I’ve got selection.~Umbralkin
8. Kiss me, I’ve got Irish music.~Umbralkin
9. To all the Chinese children who made my iPod, Thanks! ~ Plaid Speed
10. George Bush Hates Black People ~Kayne West
11. fatti i cazzi tuoi (Mind your own f-ing business) ~gatherings
12. I Don’t Do Windows ~Anonymous

13. I steal music ~ greg2
14. Me vs. RIAA: Exhibit A ~ukealii50
15. My other iPod is a Millenium Falcon ~commongiga
16. Steal At Your Own Risk. Bomb Installed ~Nick A.
17. Tom Cruise is a couch humping homo ~Anonymous
18. Mic0s0f7 5ux a$$ ~Anonymous
19. I may be small and white but at least I’ve got a big disk! ~Jesse S.
20. Don’t fsck with me or: $find / -name u | /dev/null
21. Scratch your balls, not my metal. ~Anonymous
22. Who said Apple sucks? ~Jaeboy
23. Save water, drink beer and shower together. ~ Jquinn825
24. Now you have two little white pocket rockets. ~Anonymous
25. People will pay more to be entertained than educated. ~DulceDLeche16
26. WARNING: Contains Yanni Box Set. ~Anonymous
27. 10,000 reasons to ignore my wife. ~Anonymous
28. If only women’s buttons were this easy to push. ~Anonymous
29. This iPod makes up for my small hard disk. ~Anonymous
30. Once you go small and white… ~Anonymous
31. 98% Liberace-free! ~Anonymous
32. Harmful If Swallowed. ~Anonymous
33. Dear [insert name], Thanks for the iPod idea. Steve Jobs ~IFC1
34. I’m so trendy look at my white headphones! ~sjs
35. Size Does Matter ~Anonymous
36. Musically Disturbed ~Joe F.
37. Weapons of Mass Distraction Inside ~wiredgargoyle
38. Contents Under Pressure from RIAA ~wiredgargoyle
39. My other handheld is a PocketPC ~vostinar
40. CDs are for Amish people! ~mustachioman
41. Quarter free jukebox ~mustachioman
42. FCUK WINDOWS ~lancew
43. Why drink and drive, When you can smoke and fly. ~tipx
44. I last 8 hrs. You last 2 minutes. Who’s the man? ~Anonymous
45. My iPod can beat up your honor roll student. ~Anonymous
46. Your mamma uses a walkman. ~Anonymous
47. “Say hello to my little friend” ~iiikora
48. FCUK THE SHUFFLE, WTF I Ordered a 60 Gigger! ~dilpreet64
49. Here’s another one that requires a few extra brain cells. If you use the first line, as the input for the second line. It produces the text… “This music was all stolen” in plain English. ~asterisk
    • Gopz tbzpj dhz hss zavklu.
    • for(;;i++)d[i]=d[i]%26+65;

How To Get Your Rejected Message Engraved On An iPod

Do you have a rejected iPod engraving that you still really want laser-etched on your iPod? If Apple does reject your engraving, just take your iPod to your local jeweler. They can engrave it for you.

Did You Like Our List Of Rejected iPod Engravings?

Just another reminder, only the entries with a * were actually rejected by Apple. All other entries were just made up by our readers. The staff at WIRED took issue with our list of rejected iPod engravings and said the following:

“MethodShop.com has a rather disappointing list of rejected iPod engravings. Three quarters of the submissions have obviously been made up but about a dozen appear to be real; none of them is very funny.”

We disagree. Several of the rejected iPod engravings are funny, or at least humorous. Sorry if our readers aren’t funny enough to meet WIRED’s elite comedy standards.

If you have either a real rejected iPod engraving, or even just a funny one, please send it to us. And if you enjoyed this article, or just want to say hi, then please leave a comment. Thanks.