65 Funny Wine Jokes, One Liners, And Puns

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Good company and good conversation are essential for a truly enjoyable wine tasting, and a good joke can help to get the conversation flowing. Here are some of our favorite funny wine jokes to help you get the party started!

Wine Jokes And One Liners

1. What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine? Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
2. I’m not old, I’m aged to perfection. And full-bodied.
3. Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
4. I’m so vine, you probably think this pun is about you.
5. What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races? Chardon-neigh!
6. Chardon-yeah, or should I go?
7. What do you call a grape that is an anti-diuretic? Pinot More.
8. Did you know wine doesn’t make you fat? It makes you lean…against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.
9. I’ve trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine. It’s a Bordeaux collie.
10. The first thing on my bucket list? To fill the bucket with wine.
11. We have an open-door policy. Show up with wine, and we’ll open the door.
12. I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
13. I was having wine with my wife when she said ‘I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.’ I said, ‘Is that you or the wine talking?’ She said, ‘It’s me talking to the wine.’
14. If you can drink away your hurt, it must have been champagne.
15. Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
16. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious. I said he had no proof.
17. What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
18. Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine? Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
19. No wine left behind.
20. Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire? He heard it was a Goodyear!
21. I can’t wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
22. Why have less ‘scato when you can have Mo’ scato?
23. What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection? Mos-cat-o!
24. What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate? Port wine!
25. How do you decide how much wine to drink? Take it on a case-by-case basis.
26. It’s funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 glasses of wine is a sign of a good meal.
27. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
28. Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine.
29. It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There’s clearly room for more wine.
30. Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
31. I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand. Coincidence??
32. I enjoy a glass of wine each night for it’s health benefits… The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.
33. I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
34. People say that drinking milk makes you stronger. Drink 5 glasses of milk and then try moving a wall. Impossible? Now drink 5 glasses of wine. The wall moves by itself.
35. Did you know that wine doesn’t make you fat? It makes you lean…. Against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.
36. A priest was driving down the road one day when he got stopped by a cop. The cop smelled alcohol on the priest’s breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He said to the priest, “Father, have you been drinking?” The priest replied, “Only water, officer.” The cop then asked him, “Then why can I smell wine?” The priest looked at the bottle and said, “Good Lord! He’s done it again.”
37. A drunk got on a bus one day and sat down next to a priest. The drunk stank of wine, his shirt was stained, his face was all red, and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple of minutes later, he asked the priest, “Father, what causes arthritis?” The priest replied, “Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man.” “Imagine that,” the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?” The drunk turns to the priest and says, “I don’t have arthritis, Father,” the drunk said, “but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.”

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Funny Wine Puns

Whether you’re a wine lover or not, these funny wine puns are sure to put a smile on your face.

38. Oh, sweet child of wine.
39. What do you call a wine hangover? The grape depression.
40. It’s going to be a wine-derful day!
41. I’m feeling really grape!
42. Sometimes we all need a Riesling to be cheerful.
43. Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my Rieslings.
44. You are so bottlefull to me.
45. You’re the wine that I want.
46. Another glass? Wine not?
47. You had me at Merlot.
48. Will you accept this rosé?
49. I make pour decisions.
50. Everything happens for a Riesling, right?
51. Love the wine you’re with.
52. Sip happens.
53. When I drink wine, I make pour decisions.
54. No wine left behind.
55. Here for the right Riesling.
56. On cloud wine.
57. Partners in wine.
58. Stop and smell the rosé.
59. It’s wine o’clock.
60. Great minds drink alike.
61. Love the wine you’re with.
62. It’s wine o’clock.
63. I need to re-wine my life.
64. Do librarians like white wine? No, they like theirs well red!
65. All for wine, and wine for all.

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What Are Your Favorite Jokes About Wine?

We hope you enjoyed these funny wine jokes and puns! If you have any jokes, one-liners, or puns that we should add to this article, then please share them in the comments below.

And if you’re looking for more ways to enjoy wine, be sure to check out our other articles on dinner toasts, famous feasts, and even how to open a bottle of wine using a bike pump. And don’t forget to share these wine jokes with your friends and family for a good laugh. Cheers!

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