Did you know that Jon Heder, aka the star of Napoleon Dynamite, was also the filmmaker and one-third of the brains behind the cult classic? He and his fellow authors explain the movie is autobiographical, playing on all their personal nerdy and awkward experiences. And guess what? The world loved it.
The film is still getting quoted to this day. We bet you’ve dropped a few Napoleon Dynamite quotes in your time! Here are some fan-favorite Napoleon Dynamite quotes that we still can’t get enough of years later after the film’s 2004 release.
What Are You Gonna Do Today, Napoleon?
- Kid on Bus: What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?
- Napoleon Dynamite: Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!
Of course, Napoleon Dynamite has a pet llama. His family wouldn’t have something normal like, say, a dog or a cat. And when it’s dinnertime, Napoleon greets Tina, the llama, with this endearing quote.
- Napoleon Dynamite: Tina, you fat lard. Come get some DINNER!
- (Feeding the llama scoops of casserole over the fence)
- Napoleon Dynamite: Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!
Chatting Online With Babes All Day
- Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin’ chips, Kip!
- Kip: Napoleon, don’t be jealous ’cause I’ve been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I’m training to become a cage fighter.
- Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
- Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.
- Napoleon: What?
- Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.
- Napoleon: (Comes down the stairs) Such an idiot!
- Kip: C’mon, let’s see what your best move is… (After Napoleon tries and fails to hit Kip a few times, the doorbell rings)
- Napoleon: I’ll go get it. (Slaps Kip in the face while he’s not looking)
- Kip: Geeeez!
- Kip: LaFawnduh is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’m 100% positive she’s my soul mate. Don’t worry Napoleon, I’m sure there’s a babe out there for you too. Peace out.
We Met In A Chatroom, Now Our Love Can Fully Bloom
- (Kip is singing to Lafawnduh after they are pronounced husband and wife)
- Kip: Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever… We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom… Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make my salivate… I love technology, but not as much as you, you see… But I STILL love technology… Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above… always and forever, always and forever… Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Always and forever…
Taming A Wild Honeymoon Stallion
- (Napoleon rides up to Kip and LaFawnduh’s wedding on a horse)
- Napoleon Dynamite: Sorry I’m late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.
Your Mom Goes To College
When Deb visits the Dynamite’s residence, she talks about raising money for college. Kip makes this comment, which sends her running away.
- Deb: I’m trying to earn money for college.
- Kip: (from the background) Your mom goes to college.
While sitting on the front porch with Kip, Uncle Rico starts regretting the direction his life has gone since his high school football team lost the state championship.
- Uncle Rico: Kip, I reckon you know a lot about, cyberspace. You ever come across anything like time travel?
- Kip: Easy, I’ve already looked into it for myself.
- Uncle Rico: Right on. Right on.
Bet I Can Throw A Football Over Them Mountains
- Uncle Rico: How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?… Yeah… Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would’ve been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.
1% Milk Pickup Line
He may be nerdy, but he knows how to wow the ladies. Check out this casual pickup line he dropped on his crush, Deb, in the school cafeteria. Aww! This is one of my favorite Napoleon Dynamite quotes.
- Napoleon Dynamite: I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that ’cause you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could totally be drinking whole if you wanted to.
The Milk Expert
- Napoleon Dynamite: (chugs glass of milk) The defect in that one is bleach.
- FFA Judge No. 1: That’s right.
- Napoleon Dynamite: Yessssssssss.
- Napoleon Dynamite: (drinks second glass of milk) This tastes like the cow got into an onion patch.
- FFA Judge No. 2: Correct.
- Napoleon Dynamite: Yessssssssss.
My Lips Hurt Real Bad!
Napoleon calls his house mid-school day to see if his Grandma will pick him up (likely on her epic dune buggy). But instead, he gets his brother Kip on the phone, who is at home eating nachos and talking to babes online.
- Napoleon: Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick?
- Kip: No, Napoleon.
- Napoleon: But my lips hurt real bad!
Just Draw A Picture Of The Girl You Want To Take Out… And Give It To Her For Like A Gift Or Something
- Napoleon Dynamite: Well, nobody’s going to go out with *me*!
- Pedro: Have you asked anybody yet?
- Napoleon Dynamite: No, but who would? I don’t even have any good skills.
- Pedro: What do you mean?
- Napoleon Dynamite: You know, like numchuuk skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills… Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!
- Pedro: Aren’t you pretty good at drawing, like animals and warriors and stuff?
- Napoleon Dynamite: Yes… Probably the best that I know of.
- Pedro: Just draw a picture of the girl you want to take out… and give it to her for like a gift or something.
- Napoleon Dynamite: That’s a pretty good idea.
It Took Me Like Three Hours To Finish The Shading On Your Upper Lip
- (Trisha’s mom forces Trisha to call Napoleon and accept his offer to take her to the school dance)
- Trisha: Hi, is Napoleon there?
- Napoleon Dynamite: Yes.
- Trisha: Can I talk to him?
- Napoleon Dynamite: You already are.
- Trishia: Napolean, this is Trisha. I’m just calling to tell you that I can go to the dance with you.
- (Trisha’s mom does a hand motion to remind Trisha to mention the weird drawing that Napolen made of her)
- Trisha: (through gritted teeth) I wanted to thank you for the beautiful drawing you did of me. It’s hanging in my bedroom.
- Napoleon Dynamite: Really? It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It’s probably the best drawing I’ve ever done.
- Trisha: Yeah… it’s really… nice.
Give Me Some Of Your Tater Tots
- (Napoleon has snuck tator tots out of the lunch room and is eating them during class out of his pants pocket)
- Randy: Napoleon, give me some of your tots.
- Napoleon Dynamite: No, go find your own.
- Randy: Come on, give me some of your tots.
- Napoleon Dynamite: No, I’m freakin’ starving! I didn’t get to eat *anything* today.
- Randy: (Kicks the pocket with the tots, crushing them)
- Napoleon Dynamite: Ugh! Gross! Freakin’ idiot!
How Was School?
- Grandma: How was school?
- Napoleon Dynamite: The worst day of my life, what do you think?
- Deb: What are you drawing?
- Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
- Deb: What’s a liger?
- Napoleon Dynamite: It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… bred for its skills in magic.
Supporting The Peaceful Existence Of Our Underwater Ally, The Loch Ness Monster
- Teacher: Your current event, Napoleon.
- Napoleon Dynamite: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced… placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Cort Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland’s local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.
Do The Chickens Have Large Talons?
- Napoleon Dynamite: Do the chickens have large talons?
- Farmer: Do they have what?
- Napoleon Dynamite: Large talons.
- Farmer: I don’t understand a word you just said.
Hunting Wolverines In Alaska
- Don: Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?
- Napoleon Dynamite: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
- Don: Did you shoot any?
- Napoleon Dynamite: Yes, like 50 of ’em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?
- Don: What kind of gun did you use?
- Napoleon Dynamite: A freakin’ 12-gauge, what do you think?
Pedro’s Bike & Sweet Jumps
While talking to Pedro by the lockers, Napoleon finds out that Pedro has a bike. Napoleon can’t wait to take it off some sweet jumps.
- Napoleon: Do you ride the bus to school?
- Pedro: No, I ride my bike.
- Napoleon: What kind of bike do you have?
- Pedro: It’s a Sledgehammer.
- Napoleon: Dang! You got shocks, pegs… Lucky! (Also notices the Flag of Mexico on the back of the seat) You ever take it off any sweet jumps?
- Napoleon Dynamite: (Cut to Pedro jumping) You got like three feet of air that time.
Girls Only Want Boyfriends Who Have Great Skills
Napoleon knows what women want. And what is that, exactly?
- Napoleon: “I don’t even have any good skills. You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!”
Hey — he still got to dance with Deb at the school dance! Even with his lack of nunchuck skills. We think it was his drawing skills that landed her. After all, he basically invented the liger.
The Only Guy At School Who Has A Mustache
- Pedro: Do you think people will vote for me?
- Napoleon Dynamite: Heck yes! I’d vote for you.
- Pedro: Like what are my skills?
- Napoleon Dynamite: Well, you have a sweet bike. And you’re really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you’re like the only guy at school who has a mustache.
Pedro Offers You His Protection
- Randy: Hey, give me 50 cents so I can buy a pop.
- Bullied Kid: I don’t have any, Randy.
- Randy: C’mon, I’ll pay you back.
- Bullied Kid: I don’t have…
- (Randy grabs him by the back of the neck and starts yanking up and down on it)
- Randy: I’ll do this to you…
- Bullied Kid: Don’t! Stop! Stop! Don’t! Ow. Here, here.
- (Randy grabs the money and walks away)
- Napoleon Dynamite: (Napoleon, who’s been watching, walks up to the kid) How’s your neck?
- Bullied Kid: Stings.
- Napoleon Dynamite: That’s too bad.
- (Napoleon offers him a boondoggle key-chain)
- Napoleon Dynamite: Pedro offers you his protection.
- (Cut to next scene – the bullied kid is taking his bike off a rack and Randy walks up)
- Randy: Hey, let me borrow your bike.
- Bullied Kid: No.
- Randy: C’mon, I’ll give you some chips.
- Bullied Kid: No!
- (They continue to struggle over the bike)
- Cholo No. 1, Cholo #2: (drive up in their low-rider convertible, that has “Vote 4 Pedro” painted on the door. The driver shakes his head ‘no’ with a threatening look on his face. Randy gives up and walks away from the kid. The bullied kid smiles)
Vote For Pedro And All Of Your Wildest Dreams Will Come True
When it comes time for Pedro to make his student council campaign speech, he starts by admitting that he doesn’t have much to say. He then concludes his speech promising that all of the student’s wildest dreams will come through. Good thing he’s friends with Napoleon Dynamite. Napoleon then performs a dance routine that no one will ever forget.
- Pedro: Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true.
NERD NOTE: For Napoleon’s “Vote For Pedro” dance routine, Napoleon Dynamite’s director, Jared Hess, had Jon Heder improvise a variety of dance moves to three different songs. Hess then cut up the best moves from each song and edited them together using just one song, Jamiroquai’s “Canned Heat”.
Napoleon Dynamite Quotes For All Of Us Nerds At Heart
This classic film didn’t need a massive budget for it to make an impact. In fact, Napoleon Dynamite only cost $400,000 to make and wound up grossing $44.5 million!
Perhaps it was all of the memorable and hilarious Napoleon Dynamite quotes that helped make it such a huge hit. Or maybe it was because we can all secretly relate to the characters. Whatever the reason, it’s still a popular cult film favorite years later.
We love famous movie quotes and can’t get enough of these nostalgic quotes from Napoleon Dynamite. What about you? What are your favorite Napoleon Dynamite quotes? Did we leave any out? If so, please share your favorite Napoleon Dynamite quotes below.
Frank Wilson is a retired teacher with over 30 years of combined experience in the education, small business technology, and real estate business. He now blogs as a hobby and spends most days tinkering with old computers. Wilson is passionate about tech, enjoys fishing, and loves drinking beer.